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    shan@shanmerchant.com+44 7830 343211

    Couples Therapist & Affair Recovery Specialist in Yorkshire & Online

    If infidelity, conflict or emotional disconnection has shaken your relationship, you don't need generic counselling. You need specialist couples therapy that helps you decide whether to repair, rebuild, or part with clarity.

    Sessions are £195 for 90 minutes. In person in Yorkshire on weekdays. Online during the day and in the evenings, worldwide.

    BOOK A FREE 15-MINUTE CALL
    Shan Merchant - Couples Therapist

    As seen in

    BBC
    Stylist
    The Guardian
    Metro
    LA Weekly
    "The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life."

    I'm Shan Merchant, a UKCP-accredited couples counsellor and Advanced Imago Relationship Therapist. Couples travel to see me from Leeds, Harrogate, York and across Yorkshire, and I also work online, helping couples rebuild trust after affairs and reconnect.

    FOR COUPLES REELING FROM INFIDELITY

    An affair ends the old relationship. The only question now is whether it ends everything.

    An affair blows up the old relationship. There's no putting it back the way it was — and you shouldn't try. The real question is whether this crisis becomes the end, or starts something more honest, connected and alive.

    I help couples recover after infidelity with a structured, compassionate approach that balances accountability with repair. We work on rebuilding trust step by step - not by forgetting what happened but facing it with courage, truth, and practical tools that create emotional safety again.

    “Our marriage is now stronger than ever… Without Shan’s help and support, we would not have navigated the repercussions of infidelity and would have likely split.”
    L&L, UKCouple recovering from an affair · 2026 · Shared with permission
    BOOK A FREE 15-MINUTE CALLLEARN ABOUT AFFAIR RECOVERY
    FOR COUPLES WHO CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME THEY LAUGHED, TOUCHED, OR FELT LIKE A TEAM

    Why you keep fighting the same fight

    It's rarely about the dishes, the sex, or who left the socks on the floor. The real problem is the "stance–stance–dance" pattern underneath.

    A stance is what you do when you feel threatened — your automatic way of protecting yourself. When your stance meets your partner's, you lock into a dance that takes over.

    One of the most common? Some flavour of "Pursue–withdraw". The harder you push, the faster they retreat. Round and round you go until you're both exhausted and miles apart.

    I won't let your pattern run the show.

    My role is to name it clearly, show you the consequences of staying stuck, and coach you in new moves that rebuild trust and intimacy. You want closeness? You've got to earn it – by doing something different. That's the work.

    To see if we're a good fit to work together, book a free 15-minute call with me today.

    “We have felt equally listened to and valued throughout, and we have learned so much about how we each communicate and about what we both need.”
    A & ACouple · 2024 · Shared with permission
    Couple in conflict during therapy session

    Most couples therapy doesn't work.

    Too much talk. Not enough change. Most couples therapy lets you "explore your feelings" for months while the same fights keep happening. Insight might feel productive — but it isn't the same as change.

    You don't fix a relationship by understanding the problem. You fix it by learning to do things differently — and practising until safety and trust actually return. That's why I use the Imago Therapy technique. Not for talk. For real change.

    Want to see if we're a good fit?

    BOOK A FREE 15-MINUTE CALL

    Why work with me instead of "just any" couples therapist?

    It's an open secret amongst therapists that most are trained for individual work and then "add couples." I don't. I'm a specialist couples therapist focused on affair recovery and trust repair. You won't get polite conversations and guesswork – you'll get a clear, structured process, direct leadership, and practical steps that change what happens between you.

    Imago Relationship Therapy — where change actually happens

    I use Imago Relationship Therapy, a structured, internationally recognised approach that turns conflict into connection. Instead of fighting to be heard you'll learn to listen in a way that heals. We move beyond blame and defensiveness into understanding, empathy, and practical repair. It's not theory - it's a method you can take home and use every day.

    LEARN ABOUT MY APPROACHABOUT IMAGO THERAPY

    What working with me looks like

    Step 1

    Stabilise the crisis

    Stop the bleeding after an affair or major rupture.

    Step 2

    Name the pattern

    Understand the cycle driving you apart.

    Step 3

    Rebuild trust & connection

    Structured tools & daily actions that create safety, intimacy & a relationship you both happily choose.

    BOOK A FREE 15-MINUTE CALL

    You don't have to take my word for it

    Shared with permission. Names kept private.

    • “When all hope was lost and I mean all, with Shans help and guidance we have been able to reconnect and be stronger than we ever have been.”
      — T & E, UK
    • “We are now in the best place that we have ever been in our relationship and will always be grateful for the support that Shan provided us.”
      — Anon
    • “Shan has been an amazing guide through a desperate time.”
      — A+B, UK
    Read All 45 Testimonials

    In the media

    BBC Points of View - Shan Merchant, Couples Therapist

    As seen on BBC Points of View

    The BBC asked me to review Series 4 of 'Couples Therapy' on Points of View. It's one of the few shows that lets people see what real therapy actually looks like — the vulnerability, the difficulty, and what it takes to come back together.

    WATCH ON iPlayer

    Read my LA Weekly interview & profile.

    I was honoured to be listed in as one of LA Weekly's '10 Dating and Relationship Experts To Watch'. Read the article to find out:

    • Why couples therapy is the hardest type of therapy to be in
    • When and why couples usually decide to come to me
    • Why most couples will never dare address the Power Struggle in their relationship and therefore never get the kind of peace, affection, commitment and Real Love they really want from their partner
    Read the article
    LA Weekly magazine feature
    Brainz Magazine Valentine's cover story featuring Shan Merchant

    Valentine's cover story

    Too many of us are putting up with sub-standard, painful relationships

    I enjoyed talking to Brainz Magazine about why most relationships hit a wall — and what the "Power Struggle" stage actually means for your future together.

    Read the feature

    How can a loving relationship transform your entire life?

    In this podcast episode, I explore how working on the quality of our intimate relationship can shape everything in our life — from our mental health and career success to our physical wellbeing and sense of purpose.

    Listen on Spotify
    Brainz Podcast featuring Shan Merchant

    Frequently asked questions

    Yes. Affair recovery is my specialism. Most couples who come to me after an affair are still in shock and haven't decided whether to stay together, and you don't need to have decided before we start. I help you both talk about what happened, the hurt it has caused and what comes next, without every conversation turning into another argument.

    Read more about affair recovery

    Yes, if you're both willing to try something different. Most couples aren't arguing about the dishes or the money. They're stuck in a pattern where one pushes and the other pulls away. I don't just listen while you argue. I step in, slow things down and guide you both through the conversation you can't have alone.

    Read more about Imago therapy

    Couples sessions with me are £195 for 90 minutes, online or in person. The longer session gives you time to get past the surface and have a real conversation, rather than stopping just as things open up.

    See session fees

    In person in Otley on weekday daytimes, which suits couples coming from Leeds, Harrogate, York and across Yorkshire. Online sessions on Zoom run on weekday daytimes and evenings, for couples anywhere in the world. I also see some couples on Saturday mornings in Harrogate.

    That's very common, especially after an affair or years of feeling unheard. The free 15-minute call is a low-pressure way for a hesitant partner to hear how I work and ask questions before committing to anything.

    It isn't a therapy session, and there's no obligation. I hear a little from each of you about what's happening, answer your questions, explain how I work and tell you honestly whether I think I can help.

    Insights from the couples therapy room

    How to Heal From Betrayal: Emotional Recovery After an Affair or Infidelity

    How to Heal From Betrayal: Emotional Recovery After an Affair or Infidelity

    When an affair blows your world apart, your reality is shattered. Advice to heal from betrayal from a UKCP-accredited couples therapist. Book a free call →

    November 24, 2024

    The Role of Technology in Modern Affairs: How to Set Healthy Boundaries in the Digital Age

    The Role of Technology in Modern Affairs: How to Set Healthy Boundaries in the Digital Age

    Explore how technology can impact modern relationships and contribute to infidelity. Learn to identify red flags and set healthy boundaries to safeguard your connection in the digital age.

    November 24, 2024

    Infidelity and Children: How to Navigate Family Dynamics After an Affair

    Infidelity and Children: How to Navigate Family Dynamics After an Affair

    Learn how to navigate family dynamics after infidelity with sensitivity and care. Discover strategies for honest communication, co-parenting, and rebuilding trust to protect your children’s well-being.

    November 24, 2024

    View all articles

    Your relationship won't change by repeating the same moves

    If the two of you keep returning to the same fight, the same distance or the same unanswered questions, waiting usually doesn't create a new pattern. Doing something different can. Whether you're trying to understand what happens after an affair, wondering if trust can return, or simply exhausted by the way you now relate to each other, we can start by looking clearly at where you are.

    You don't have to know where the relationship will end up before you begin. You just need to be willing to find out what becomes possible when the pattern stops making the decisions for you.

    “My husband and I are in a much happier and healthier place, and we continue to practice our appreciation for each other daily…”
    A & G, UKCouple · 2024 · Shared with permission
    BOOK A FREE 15-MINUTE CALL