Are you in the Power Struggle stage of your relationship? Take the quiz
couples | single women

How to get the love you wanted all along

[As seen in and LA Weekly] Helping couples on the brink of divorce finally find peace in their relationship within 12 weeks, with couples therapist and relationship expert Shan Merchant. Available to couples worldwide on Zoom.

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"The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life."

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Couples counselling (online & in-person)

Has your relationship lost its passion or one of you has had an affair? I help people who feel stuck in their relationship get back into connection.

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Dating coaching for women

Your unconscious beliefs and destructive patterns are driving your relationship struggles. I help you develop new, healthy ones and make dating fun again.

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Individual psychotherapy

As a trained therapist in many modalities, I can help you work through relationship issues, anxiety, depression and neurodiversity in relationships.

Image of the book 'From Power Struggle to Peaceful Couple' by Shan Merchant.

From Power Struggle to Peaceful Couple


If your relationship is characterised by fighting, blaming, bickering, silences, distractions, and even threats to leave or an affair, don't give up hope and don't settle.

Read my book to understand what's really going on and what to do to get things back on track. A definitive guide and personal account of how to get through the often painful second stage of your relationship, the Power Struggle, and build a truly profound loving connection with your partner.

Buy Now
LA Weekly article '10 Dating and Relationship Experts to Watch in 2023' featuring Couples Therapist Shan Merchant, on an iPhone screen.

Read my LA Weekly interview & profile

I was honoured to be listed in Spring 2023 as one of LA Weekly's '10 Dating and Relationship Experts To Watch in 2023'. Read the article to find out:
  • Why couples therapy is the hardest type of therapy to be in
  • When and why couples usually decide to come to me
  • Why most couples will never dare address the Power Struggle in their relationship and therefore never get the kind of peace, affection, commitment and Real Love they really want from their partner
Read the article

Valentine's cover story

Far too many of us are putting up with sub-standard, painful relationships, so I really enjoyed talking to Brainz Magazine for their Valentine's Edition about the Power Struggle stage of relationships and what you need to know about it to avoid divorce and/or settling for less than you deserve.

To exit the Power Struggle you must first understand what it is, which is just a stage on the way to real, true love. You can learn how to master this stage (without going to couples therapy)by reading my book, Power Struggle to Peaceful Couple.

Read the article
Couples therapist Shan Merchant on the cover of Brainz Magazine Valentine's Issue.
Couples therapist Shan Merchant on the cover of the Brainz podcast Valentine's edition.

How Can a Loving Relationship Transform Our Entire Lives?

In this interview, Shan shares her exclusive insights about the following topics:
  • How to become radically conscious of the quality of our relationships
  • How to grow in our own self-awareness
  • What responsibilities we have to prepare ourselves for in order to find our life partner
Listen now on Spotify
Couple aged about 40 facing each other on sofa, smiling and laughing.

Imago therapy for couples

After using Imago Relationship Therapy to repair and revive my own 13+ year relationship, I began using it with my clients, online and in person. It just works.

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Learn about Imago Therapy

Read from my Blog and start learning right away

Dating coaching for single women

I help single women in their 30s and 40s find a healthy relationship by diving deeply into their unconscious beliefs about love.

Couple embracing passionately. Woman's engagement ring in foreground.
Headshot of a serious woman in her 30s.

Individual psychotherapy

I help individuals manage their anxiety, insecurities and fear around relationships. I offer weekly in-person therapy in Otley, Harrogate, or online from anywhere in the world.

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Get in touch

Book a free 15-minute consultation with me.


Frequently asked questions

Does couples therapy work?

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It works if you are both committed to making it work. Many of us are sold a story about love that simply isn't true. Love is not a destination that you arrive at. And it's not a prize that you win. Love is a daily practice. It involves compromise on both sides. It involves listening – really listening – to what your partner needs, and becoming a team.

What will happen during my free 15-minute consultation?

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Whether you're looking for couples therapy, individual therapy or dating coaching, we will chat about what your struggles are right now, and what has led up to them. I will offer my thoughts on how to move forward, with or without my support. You will come away with a larger perspective on your situation, and some actionable next steps.

How can I find a couple therapist near me?

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If you are in the Harrogate, Ilkley or Leeds area, I offer weekly or fortnightly couples therapy in-person in Harrogate or in Otley, or online via Zoom. I offer a free 30-minute consultation over video chat or the phone, during which you'll get a feel for what it's like to work with me. I can assess your needs and work out if we're a good fit for weekly or fortnightly sessions.

Should you work with me?

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I work with couples who want a fundamental and long-lasting change in the way they relate to one another. If you want to put a short-term sticking plaster on your relationship, I'm probably not the therapist for you.

If you're a single woman looking for a dating coach, I facilitate the deep inner work that often needs to be done around beliefs and boundary setting. However, I can also provide the practical advice around dating apps and a dating strategy. Whether you're coming back to dating after a divorce, getting over a painful breakup or building your confidence, I can help you make dating lighthearted and fun again.


Insights from the relationship therapy room