As seen in Metro.co.uk and LA Weekly, Shan Merchant provides couples therapy for Harrogate couples – or online on Zoom. Start rebuilding your trust & connection and bring back warmth & affection, no matter what has happened.
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If you're experiencing any of the above, I understand that you need a couples therapist who can help you rekindle the trust, warmth and connection you once had. I can do this by teaching you a simple way of communicating that's designed to treat you as individuals while honouring your relationship.
My unique combination of psychotherapy and Imago couples counselling training will help you accomplish that. So let's partner together.
BOOK YOUR FREE 15-MIN CLARITY CALL
– or strengthen an already loving and warm relationship
In today's climate, learning how to communicate safely with your mate is a most valuable asset for the growth of your relationship – and therefore your personal success.
Couples need a properly designed and proven communication practice that will help you understand each other better, support you while working through the ups and downs of life together, plus deepen your connection and the feeling of being a team.
Many couples find that strengthening their relationship through Imago relationship therapy spills over into many other areas of their lives. Their parenting improves, family dynamics with their own parents or siblings improve – even their relationships with colleagues and clients improve.
It will not work (most certainly not as quickly)and in the end will cost you more time and money.
Tens of thousands of couples have successfully used the Imago Relationship Therapy framework to turn their conflict and resentment into a new, deeper level of warmth, affection and love.
BOOK YOUR FREE 15-MIN CLARITY CALL
I love working with couples because I experience the following needs in my own relationship with my partner: 1)I want to feel close to my partner, whether we're physically together or apart; 2)Because my partner matters to me, I need assurance from them especially when I'm upset; 3)I feel unsettled when we're emotionally disconnected; and 4)I'm more confident going about in the world when I know my partner has my back. I understand these to be fundamental needs that couples have to feel secure in their relationship. If you desire those qualities in your relationship, I can help.
Sessions are 90 minutes long. The 1st session is a 90-minute assessment where I gather background information from you and your partner. From the 2nd session onwards, sessions are 90 minutes and we start to learn the communication framework (called Imago dialogue)that will underpin our sessions and allow us to safely explore all the areas of conflict or challenge.
Imago Dialogue is a structured, turn-taking conversation that replaces interrupting, criticising and defending with listening, validating each other's perspective and empathy. This safer rhythm reduces reactivity and, with repetition, re-trains the brain towards safety and connection. This will create a fundamental change in your relationship. For more information, find out What is Imago Relationship Therapy?
You don't have to do anything. But if you want to make your relationship better, I'd suggest a commitment to 12 weekly or fortnightly sessions. In cases where your conflicts are long-standing, or there has been an infidelity and your wounds are deep, healing may take longer. The thing is, your current patterns of relating were there before you even met your partner. So it will take longer than a few weeks to learn new patterns and adjust your course.
While we’re working together as a couple, I don’t see either partner for individual therapy at the same time—keeping that boundary protects neutrality and makes the couples space safe for both of you.
Couples therapy is the “us” space where we rebuild trust, safety and connection.
Individual therapy is the “me” space, where each of you works on your own patterns, values and emotional history.
Many of the couples I see choose to have individual therapy in parallel with a different therapist—it often speeds up repair and makes the couples work easier (think: managing anxiety, processing grief/shame, clarifying boundaries, understanding attachment patterns.) If you’d like to add individual support, I can recommend trusted therapists locally and online.
If, for whatever reason, couples therapy is terminated and one of you wants to continue individual therapy with me, I can see you individually, provided that both partners are aware of this arrangement. If in the future, both partners want to resume couples counselling, I'll need to refer you to a different couples therapist. In some cases, I may determine it's in your best interest to do individual work with a different provider all together.
In cases where it's difficult for one or both partners to make it to regular sessions, we can cluster sessions to suit your availability. Some couples may choose to join Zoom sessions from separate locations if they are travelling for work. Tell me your travel pattern and we’ll set a plan that keeps the work moving.
I set couples therapy fortnightly (every two weeks. That gap gives you an integration week to practise tools and notice what changes. If you’re in acute crisis (e.g., after an affair, we’ll usually meet weekly for a period to stabilise things. When we begin we often do a few weekly sessions to start so that you know what you are doing and get momentum in your work.
Yes. The Imago Relationship Therapy framework works just as well online as in person. Before the pandemic I used to insist on meeting in person so we could all make an emotional connection, but during Covid all my therapy work was on Zoom, and I realised that online therapy is just as effective as in-person therapy. I'd love the opportunity to meet with you both online.
