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Relationship counselling in Nottingham

As seen in and LA Weekly, Shan Merchant provides relationship counselling for Nottingham couples & worldwide via Zoom. Rebuild your trust & connection and bring back warmth & affection, no matter what has happened.

Headshot of Shan Merchant, couple therapist and dating coach.

A successful couple needs to know how to communicate well with one another

But there's a problem... Is your relationship suffering from the following?

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You regularly bicker, argue or fight

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You blame, shame, accuse & call names

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You’ve stopped having sex, or rarely have sex

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There’s less warmth, affection & loving looks

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You spend less quality time with one another

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One of you nags, and one of you withdraws

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One of you has cheated on your partner, emotionally or sexually

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You argue over money, debt, parenting or household chores

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A traumatic life event like a death is affecting your relationship

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You feel like you have nothing in common any more

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You feel like the trust has gone

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You’re staying together for the sake of the children

If you're experiencing any of the above, I understand that you need a couples therapist who can help you rekindle the trust, warmth and connection you once had. I can do this by teaching you a simple way of communicating that's designed to treat you as individuals while honouring your relationship.

My unique combination of psychotherapy and Imago couples counselling training will help you accomplish that. So let's partner together.

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How learning to communicate safely can help you rebuild trust and affection

– or strengthen an already loving and warm relationship

In today's climate, learning how to communicate safely with your mate is a most valuable asset for the growth of your relationship – and therefore your personal success.

Going to generic couples therapy is not going to be enough

Couples need a properly designed and proven communication practice that will help you understand each other better, support you while working through the ups and downs of life together, plus deepen your connection and the feeling of being a team.

Many couples find that strengthening their relationship through Imago relationship therapy spills over into many other areas of their lives. Their parenting improves, family dynamics with their own parents or siblings improve – even their relationships with colleagues and clients improve.

Ultimately, your couples therapy should focus on…


Don't settle for couples therapy that doesn't do the above.

It will not work (most certainly not as quickly)and in the end will cost you more time and money.

Tens of thousands of couples have successfully used the Imago Relationship Therapy framework to turn their conflict and resentment into a new, deeper level of warmth, affection and love.


Frequently asked questions

Common Couples Therapist Questions and Answers

Why do you work with couples?

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I love working with couples because I experience the following needs in my own relationship with my partner: 1)I want to feel close to my partner, whether we're physically together or apart; 2)Because my partner matters to me, I need assurance from them especially when I'm upset; 3)I feel unsettled when we're emotionally disconnected; and 4)I'm more confident going about in the world when I know my partner has my back. I understand these to be fundamental needs that couples have to feel secure in their relationship. If you desire those qualities in your relationship, I can help.

What can we expect from couples therapy?

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Sessions are generally 90 minutes long. The 1st session is a 60-minute assessment where I gather background information from you and your partner. From the 2nd session onwards, sessions are 90 minutes and we start to learn the communication framework that will underpin our sessions and allow us to safely explore all the areas of conflict or challenge. For more information, find out What is Imago Relationship Therapy?

How long do we have to be in couples therapy?

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You don't have to do anything. But if you want to make your relationship better, I'd suggest a commitment to 12 weekly or fortnightly sessions. In cases where your conflicts are long-standing, or there has been an infidelity and your wounds are deep, healing may take longer. The thing is, your current patterns of relating were there before you even met your partner. So it will take longer than a few weeks to learn new patterns and adjust your course.

Can I book you for individual therapy as well?

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If you are in couples therapy with me, you cannot be in individual therapy with me at the same time. From time to time I may have 1-2 sessions with you individually before we start couples therapy together, depending on your individual needs.

What if my partner stops coming in? Can i continue to see you individually?

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If, for whatever reason, couples therapy is terminated and one of you wants to continue individual therapy with me, I can see you individually, provided that both partners are aware of this arrangement. If in the future, both partners want to resume couples counselling, I'll need to refer you to a different couples therapist. In some cases, I may determine it's in your best interest to do individual work with a different provider all together.

What if one of us travels a lot?

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In cases where it's difficult for one or both partners to make it to regular sessions, we offer a more intense option of treatment sometimes known as “marathon therapy”. This is usually TWO back-to-back 75-min sessions with a 30-min break in between. 

It sounds like we meet for fortnightly sessions. Can we meet less often than that?

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Therapy is fortnightly (every second week)to allow for one week of integration in between sessions. Couples in crisis (eg. there has been an affair)come weekly as they need more support.

Do you offer online couples counselling?

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Yes. The Imago Relationship Therapy framework works just as well online as in person. Before the pandemic I used to insist on meeting in person so we could all make an emotional connection, but during Covid all my therapy work was on Zoom, and I realised that online therapy is just as effective as in-person therapy. When I can't catch all the nuances of body language behind a screen, I've learnt to be more explicit about what I'm asking for in my couples. We can still go deep. I'd love the opportunity to meet with you both online.


Insights from the relationship therapy room