As featured in BBC, The Guardian, Stylist, and Metro.co.uk, Shan Merchant offers couples therapy for couples in Birmingham and worldwide via Zoom. Together, we’ll restore the warmth and trust that might feel lost, bringing safety and connection back into your relationship.
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If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many couples reach this place - stuck in painful patterns they don’t know how to shift. The good news is that these moments can also be turning points - invitations to understand each other in new ways and begin to rebuild connection.
Imago therapy helps you slow things down, listen differently, and find your way back to each other.
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– or strengthen an already loving and warm relationship
When conversations feel safe, everything starts to change. The tension eases, the walls come down, and you can finally talk - and listen - without fear of being judged or dismissed. That’s where understanding and connection will grow. In today's climate, learning how to communicate safely with your mate is a most valuable asset for the growth of your relationship – and therefore your personal success.
Many couples come to therapy saying, “We’ve tried talking - it just turns into the same argument.”
That’s because insight on its own isn’t enough. Without emotional safety, you both slip back into old habits - interrupting, defending, or shutting down.
The difference in this work lies in how you talk.
In Imago Couples Therapy, I’ll help you slow things down so that both of you can really listen and feel heard - not blamed or dismissed. You’ll learn how to respond in ways that calm tension, lower the temperature, and make genuine understanding possible again. This deliberate, structured way of communicating changes everything. It turns painful conversations into moments of genuine connection. Over time, trust begins to rebuild, intimacy deepens, and your partnership starts to feel safe and alive again.
Many couples reach a point where every conversation feels like a fight or another disappointment. But when you learn how to slow down, listen, and understand each other again, everything begins to change. In couples therapy, we’ll focus on:
If your therapy isn’t helping you feel safe, calm, and connected, it’s missing the foundations of real healing. Imago couples therapy offers a proven framework for rebuilding trust and emotional safety.
It helps you move from blame and reactivity to curiosity and understanding - turning painful conversations into pathways back to closeness.
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I work with couples because I know how important it is to feel safe, seen, and truly connected. I experience this in my own relationship as well:
1. I want to feel close, whether we're together or apart.
2. When I'm struggling, gentle reassurance helps me settle.
3. If we're not emotionally connected, I feel unsettled.
4. I feel more grounded when we each have the other's back
These are not unusual needs, they’re deeply human. When conversation feels safe, it becomes easier to meet those needs. My focus is to help you create that safe space where trust can grow and closeness can return.
Each session lasts 90 minutes. In our first meeting, we’ll take time to understand your story and what you hope to achieve together. After that, we’ll begin practicing the Imago Dialogue, a safe way of communicating that helps you explore difficult topics without causing harm.
Instead of interrupting, criticising, or defending, you’ll focus on listening deeply, validating your partner’s perspective, and naming your feelings with care. This practice slows things down, reduces reactivity, and helps you both feel safer, which leads to lasting change.
If you'd like more detail, see What is Imago Relationship Therapy?
There’s no set number of sessions. Typically, couples see meaningful progress in about 12 sessions weekly at first, then bi-weekly. If there’s been long-standing hurt or betrayal (like an affair), the journey may take longer 6 to 12 months to see lasting change.
Between sessions, you’ll practice the Imago Dialogue at home for 10–15 minutes, 3–5 days a week. You’ll notice progress when arguments soften, repairs come quicker, and closeness begins to return.
I don’t provide individual therapy during couples work, as it’s important for me to stay neutral and support both partners equally. Think of it this way:
Couples therapy is the "we" space, where we focus on building safe communication and strengthening your connection.
Individual therapy is the "I" space, where you work on your own personal growth and patterns.
If you want, I can recommend trusted therapists locally and online who can work with you separately while we continue the couples work.
If couples work ends and you want to continue individually, we can do that, as long as both partners are clear and comfortable with the change.
If, later on, you both decide to restart couples therapy, I'll refer you to a different couples therapist in Birmingham so I can stay neutral.
Sometimes, I may suggest you work with a separate individual therapist from the start - if that feels like the safer or better fit for you.
If travel interferes with regular sessions, we can easily adjust. Many couples who travel often prefer to schedule clustered sessions around their travel dates. Others join via Zoom when one partner is away for work or personal reasons. We’ll design a plan that keeps your progress steady, no matter your schedule.
Typically, I recommend sessions every two weeks to allow time for practice and reflection. If you're in crisis (like after an affair), we'll typically meet weekly for a while to give extra support and stability. When we start, we often do a few weekly sessions so you really understand the approach and build momentum.
Yes! The Imago approach works just as well online as in person. While I originally preferred face-to-face sessions to build emotional connection, I’ve found that online therapy can be equally effective. I’d be happy to work with you both through Zoom sessions. I'd love the opportunity to meet with you both online.
